No Motivation For School

" 'The Bear Minimum: A grzzly's guide to slacking off' is a must read. Or at least start to read it. Who can really finish a whole book these days anyway? There aren't even many pictures in this. I don't know, I didn't make it through it. But you might. What I did read was okay." Daley Napps - New York Times

"Never have I read such a convincing book! It just takes all that enthusiasm you've built up and puts"  Dohze Doph - L.A. Press

"If you thought the wildlife was non stop action, every animal working night and day struggling to survive, then let this book add some perspective for you. Half the creatures in the forest are as lazy as you and I." Kwuick Koma - The Switzerland Book Review Inc.

"Utter shit. Bears should be poached to extinction" Hunteds Aman - Wildlife press.


(photo source)

Footloose (2011) A Review (with Gratuitous Memes)

Caution, this review contains spoilers. It's god damn Footloose, if you don't know what it's about by now then you were probably never going to find out.

Cheap movie Tuesday this week saw me spontaneously leaving Wendy's en lieu for the Regent Mall empire theaters - with el girlfriendo by my side. I rarely go see movies on a whim, and by rarely I mean this was the first time I have ever even considered it.

Once at the mall I didn't even get the chance to see what was playing: Laura noticed that a new version of footloose was released and there was no turning back.
Much to my immense surprise, the theater was just about completely full. For the first time since Jurassic park 1, I was sitting in the front row.

Anyway, last thing before starting this review, I must point out that I have never seen Footloose. Any version, ever. 

So, the movie begins with a close up over everybody's feet as they dance to - you guessed it - Footloose! It's a super awesome amazing time and then five of them die.

The reverend, whose son died in the accident, decided to lobby to city council in favor of a dozen or so new laws including a curfew, ban on drinking and drugs for minors (wait ... that seems like it already existed), and a ban on dancing.

Flash forward 3 years when Ren (We'll call him Ryan because several times in the movie they say his name and it definitely sounds like Ryan. Also Ryan is normaler) shows up to Beaumont Georgia to live with his Uncle because his mother passed away. They make the whole death thing more dramatic in the movie but whatever.

Anyway, this is like the first 10 minutes of the movie. Now things get real. Ryan fixes up his uncles Punch Buggy yellow no punch back and starts driving that around.

He then goes to school on the first day wearing a tie. This is my first issue with the movie. No one could ever, ever, go to a new school on the first day and pull off wearing a tie.

That doesn't make sense. Oh also Ryan is from Boston. So ya he meets this guy, insults his clothes and then they become best friends. He also tries out for the football team where he doesn't get hazed or anything. This is bullshit. This doesn't happen and anyone who has ever changed schools or been to one can testify to it. Ryan just fits in so perfectly even though he's from Boston and living in small town Idaho.

Anyway, he has eyes for this girl, the reverends daughter, sister of the deceased guy in the car accident. But she is into this total badass racecar driver. There is a hangout in town that breaks the law by playing music some nights and letting kids dance once the cops leave so the racecar driver notices the flare between Ryan and this girl at one of those dances. So, naturally, he challenges him to a school bus race. Obv. 

Ryan wins the race and sets two busses on fire.

Okay I feel like I need to shorten this up. They go to this Dance bar two hours away and it's line dancing, which is nice. Nice to see dancing without fist pumping these days. Everyone loves it. Then they come back and Ryan decides that he is going to start a petition to get the laws about dancing abolished. 

His Aunt asks him why he is doing this and he says because his mother would have liked it if he accomplished something. I'm not a huge fan at all of this reasoning. It's kind of touching, but I mean ... it seems quite ...a stretch I guess. But whatever, just for me, signing a dance petition doesn't have a lot to do with changing the world or leukemia, which seems to be the reasons he gives.

So the petition gets signed and he brings it in front of the council, who all hate him at this point for various reasons, and he gives his long speech and then they vote no. But no worries, because some guy has now decided that he owns a place just outside city limits where dancing isn't illegal.

This upsets me. One, why haven't all these kids been dancing just outside city limits since forever and two surely someone would have capitalized on this. Build a dance bar just outside Beaumount. I mean the demand is there. It would be a thriving industry and in this recession (which is brought up a few times during the movie) there is really no reason not to.

 So yeah. They take this building and go have their prom there. And Ryan and that girl hook up. Do the laws get abolished? Maybe, not sure. It just ends with a big old dance.

Pros: Good acting. Quite Funny. Not comparable to Jersey shore. Pretty good soundtrack.
Cons: Far too many times where the camera just focuses on the feet. That girls dress in the last scene is awful. This one time the guy is really upset and does a solo "venting alone" dance scene and it's laughable.

Score: 15 Apples out of 17. Great date movie. Great girls night out movie. And if you're comfortable with your sexuality, a not bad guys movie too. Kind of. 

What if Cheetahs could fly?

**Disclaimer: Although the following post may suggest otherwise, I am currently sober. 

What if Cheetah's could fly?

I don't mean like a bird. 

What if they built airplanes

And flew across the world. 

What if cheetah's flew? 

And mingled with our moose

They became best friends

And sometimes had inter-species sex.

What if Cheetah flights were cost competitive

And they rarely lost customers luggage

Would they advertise to humans?

Would they fly us to cheetah metropolises? 

What if cheetah's could fly
and one of their planes got highjacked. 
It got taken over by political extremists 

and flown into America's largest environmental rights convention.

What if the crash killed everyone on site. 
Including important members of cabinet. 
And America got all furious

About the lack of security in the Cheetah's airports. 

What it the American president decided the Cheetah airports had to be better monitored

And decided that the TSA would be the best for the job. 
So the TSA stepped into all cheetah airports in the USA 
And got viciously and unremorsefully murdered by the carnivorous beings. 

Because they're cheetahs.

And don't give a shit.

What would happen if all that took place?
People would probably question the skills of all the cheetah researchers to date. I mean, how could you miss such a technological break through for a species that many consider incapable of rational constructed thought, not to mention their complete lack of motor skills involved in the fabrication of a flying device. 

Seriously, people would probably question, at length, what the hell the cheetah researchers had been doing all this time. I mean I know they are fast, but come on, how do you miss the entire construction and development of air transportation.